Why So Many Entrepreneurs Look Successful but Feel Disconnected

Success on the outside does not always mean peace on the inside.

In this episode of How to Win Big at Business, Joe sits down with therapist and self-employed professional Tara Larchemar for a powerful conversation about what many entrepreneurs quietly struggle with: anxiety, burnout, emotional overwhelm, relationship stress, and the pressure of trying to hold everything together while building a business.

This is not just a conversation about therapy. It is a conversation about the inner side of entrepreneurship.

Joe shares his own turning points in business and life, including the realization that real success is not just about money, growth, or looking successful from the outside. Tara explains how high-functioning professionals, especially self-employed people and Type A personalities, often become the fixers for everyone else while neglecting what is happening within themselves.

Together, they discuss:

• why high performers often struggle most in their personal lives
• the emotional cost of entrepreneurship
• why self-awareness matters in business
• how childhood beliefs can shape adult decision-making
• the difference between owning a job and building a business
• burnout, relationships, and work-life imbalance
• why leadership starts internally
• the power of simple, concrete steps when making hard changes

If you are a self-employed professional trying to grow a business without losing yourself in the process, this episode will hit home.

Connect with Tara:
Inner Light Integrative Therapy
Email: info@healinginnerlight.com

If you’re a self-employed professional trying to build a real business, this podcast was created for you.

New episodes break down the systems, strategies, and structures needed to move from solopreneur to sustainable business owner.

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Thanks for listening!

If you want fewer headaches, fewer IRS surprises, and more smart systems running your business (so YOU don’t have to), let’s talk.

Book a strategy call: www.timewithjoe.com
Because running a business shouldn’t feel like wrestling an octopus… alone.
Also check out:
www.Bedrock360BusinessSolutions.com (Complete Coverage)
www.Bedrock360TaxSolutions.com (Tax Guard 365)
www.Bedrock360BusinessTraining.com (Courses)

Thanks for listening!

If you want fewer headaches, fewer IRS surprises, and more smart systems running your business (so YOU don’t have to), let’s talk.

Book a strategy call: www.timewithjoe.com

Because running a business shouldn’t feel like wrestling an octopus… alone. 

Also check out:
www.Bedrock360BusinessSolutions.com (Complete Coverage)

www.Bedrock360TaxSolutions.com (Tax Gaurd 365) 

www.Bedrock360BusinessTraining.com (Courses)

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:05

It was, I believe, 2006. It was about 20 years ago when I had one of those aha moments. And if you've ever had one of those, you know what I'm talking about. You see, at the time I was 45 years old, I'm 65 now. And I had basically read what I believed was every self-help book that was ever written. From you know, the the how time began to think and grow rich, every everything in between mental, physical, business. And at 45, I was looking in the mirror and I said, you know, I have a successful CPA practice. I have the family I always wanted. I have the white picket fence, the the German shepherd dog that I grew up with, that I always wanted, but something was just missing. And then I read a book that just turned everything upside down or right side up, I would like to think. And it was called The Science of Getting Rich. And I realized that I had been doing everything inside out because all those other books, everything that I read, and it's not anything about the books, it was how I how I looked at it, how I brought it in, how I interpreted it. And sometimes, you know, things happen when they're supposed to happen. And what Wallace Waddles did, the author of The Science of Getting Rich, which is a really easy read, was tell me, show me that it's not what's happening on the outside, it's what happens on the inside. It's not what happens on the outside, it's how you react, it's what you give to the universe. And and a couple of months ago, I was fortunate enough to land a new client, very perky, positive client who did something that most clients don't do. She was very responsive. So I appreciated her right away. Said, you know, you're you're a great client. You respond to everything we ask you for, and that's that's a gift. And what she does as a profession is she's a social worker, she's a therapist. So I put her into a box with all the other therapist clients that I have. My cousin is a therapist, and I I have a great respect for people in that profession, they're needed. Okay. Uh but something happened, and I don't believe anything happens by happens by chance. There's no coincidences. She sent me an email and I looked at the the link to her website and I said, Oh my god, I didn't know you do all this stuff. And I said, I need you to be in my podcast. I didn't say it to her directly, I said it to the universe. So I sent her an email, and and right away she she agreed to it. So it's my pleasure and my honor to introduce you to Tara Maddie Larchimar. I I minced that, right?

SPEAKER_01 3:36

Yeah, Letchmanar is the last name.

SPEAKER_00 3:39

Okay, so I like to call it Tara. And just so you know, if if this is your your first time listening to this podcast, it's called How to Win Big at Business. It's all about you know helping self-employed professionals, which Tara actually happens to be a self-employed professional, and and we're gonna talk, we're gonna have the regular conversation that I have with all of my guests, and at the end of it, you're gonna say, Wow, this really helped my business, I guarantee you. So, Tara, let's start with who are you and and how did you wind up where you are in a few words.

SPEAKER_01 4:22

Yes, good morning, everyone else who is also listening. I have been in the mental health field for close to 20 years, and it literally started with in high school taking a psychology class, and after that, literally learning about the brain is really what set the pathway for me, and all my jobs after that really led me to it. Um, I am currently in private practice, have been since 2020. I am certified in EMDR, I movement desensitation and reprocessing and hypnosis. A lot of my work is working with adults, anyone who's struggling in relationships, particularly in men in like high-functioning corporate roles, who are in relationships and finding that they do really good at work, but at home that they find that they're kind of struggling and kind of figuring out like what's going on with my wife or my partner here that like we're feeling disconnected because I'm doing great everywhere else in all other aspects. And so that's kind of like the gist of pretty much where I ended up. School and then continued with my master's, got licensed in the state of Massachusetts, and working on my own now.

SPEAKER_00 5:30

So, okay, so I have a ton of questions. Let's start. So that was a great summary. When I said do it like in a couple of words, I I was actually joking, but you did you did a great job, and uh so I get the whole you were in school and took a psychology class because you know that was like my third minor in college. I love psychology, I love and and actually you want to know something that helped me more in my accounting career than my accounting courses, right? Because I realized I said I'm dealing with people and their emotion, and and that's what drives people, right? So, what made you because this is really about entrepreneurs, so most people like my cousin, okay, she yeah, she basically owns a job, and there's nothing wrong with that. She's a therapist, she's self-employed, uh, for tax purposes, you know, she has to be a corporation, but you've gone beyond that, you've gone way beyond that. So, what's driving you? Because you could just sit in your home office, do the telework, right? Hook up with all the insurance companies and just you know, rake in the cash, and there's nothing wrong with that, but now you're doing uh hypno. Let me just give some people because I'm on your website and it's here, what is it? Healinginnerlight.com. Yes. So if you're listening, you gotta go to this website because I've seen probably millions of websites. This is really spectacular. You do holistic counseling, hypnosis therapy, rekey therapy, virtual therapy. I don't know what some of those things are, EMDR therapy, career counseling, uh, life transition and counseling, anxiety. I is there anybody out there that doesn't suffer from anxiety?

SPEAKER_01 7:38

Oh, no, everyone does in some shape or form.

SPEAKER_00 7:41

Self-esteem therapy, and another one that I want to talk to you at another time, trauma counseling, because I just did one of my one of my friends, uh client, mentors, he does he's a uh TBI expert. Okay, I want to connect you with him, but uh how do you go from you know a psychology course and a and a licensed therapist to hypnotherapy?

SPEAKER_01 8:08

Yeah, absolutely. I I recognize that some of the Western practices doesn't really resonate with everybody. So I am first generation Indo-Gayanese, we do in Hindu practicing as well. So a lot of my upbringing, my values come from Hinduism and more of the Eastern practices. So that's where Reiki comes in. I also like tapping into the subconscious mind of really hitting that meditator's chance uh chance, and that's where hypnosis comes in. So I don't really subscribe to like the medications and the psychiatrists. I love my psychiatrist, people that I work with, and definitely send in referrals, however, because it does work for some people. Um, but with the people that I work with, I find that they don't want to go the medication route, they want to do more of the holistic practices, they want to be able to kind of really tap into what does it mean to slow down because life always moves so fast, and we all have roles that we have to fulfill. So hypnosis really gives them that chance to really relax the body and really tap into the subconscious mind and help them figure out what are the messages that they need for themselves to be their authentic self. With Reiki, it's all about balancing the chakras. What does it mean for you to truly be aligned and think with clarity and set up all of this noise and all of this external inputs that we take in every single day, like social media, like the TV shows that we're watching, like any other advertisement advertisements. It's just really about sitting down, being quiet for a moment, and really listening to what does your true soul want for you. So that's how I I honestly have been doing that practice since since childhood, because that's what I grew up with, and found that that is something that really does work even well into my late 30s, into 40s, that it it's a practice that is so missed and truly, truly not taught in school or even in some homes.

SPEAKER_00 10:03

Yeah, well, I have an you know, I'm a fan of Napoleon Hill, and he wrote a book that was very, very controversial. I actually forget the name of it, but he talks about what's being taught in in schools, and I'm talking about Western schools. And you know, it was so conf controversial, his family asked him not to uh not to publish it. And then when he passed away and they they finally published it, I forgot the name of it, I think it's like uh conversations with the devil or something like that, but it it talked about that, and and you mentioned about the Western culture, and I agree with that because you know, unfortunately in the United States, we became a culture of, oh, where does it hurt? I'll give you a uh a pill for that, right? Or I'll give you a shot, a vaccine. And one of the things that the science of getting rich told me is it doesn't come from the outside, right? It comes from the inside. For me, it sent me on a journey of of self-awareness, so I had to start figuring out it out, and I did it a lot of different ways, and I believe that you could probably enlighten me about more ways. I had to figure out like what drives me, what makes me make my decisions, and it was eye-opening, and it and it's really changed my life. It's really changed my life. So, where do you start with people?

SPEAKER_01 11:42

I start with the typical good all asking a bunch of questions about their history, their upbringing, kind of like what any other therapist would do. So, you know, the first couple of sessions that when working with me is all about gathering the information, making sure that we're a good fit. Do we align in our values? Do you find that like I would be someone who can help you in your journey? Um, so the first few sessions really exploring your cultural beliefs, where you're trying to go, where do you see yourself in like five to ten years, and then we work backwards, childhood stuff all the way up to what brought you up to this point today. Sometimes it really is just a breaking point, and people just want to focus on the breaking point. But I emphasize that knowing all of the history really is important because those experiences shape who you are.

SPEAKER_00 12:30

So you you just mentioned something that it's really because everybody says, where do you see yourself 10 years from now? And that's such a hard question. Um because if I was 20, I would say, Well, I'm gonna be the owner of multiple businesses, I'm gonna be a billionaire, and then when I was 30, it would be like I'm gonna figure out how to how to take care of my kids and be happy, and then when I'm you know, it's a moving target, absolutely, and that's why it's my favorite question, because it brings people in the center now of like, what are you actively doing to set yourself up for the 10 years?

SPEAKER_01 13:08

Because life truly at a young age, we're taught like we need to control everything, we need to be able to have a plan, a five-year plan, do this, do this, do this again. What society has taught us, and the work that you do with me, it's more of like, yes, you're taught all these things, but letting life be fluid, knowing that in 10 years, whatever you're picturing for yourself is truly going to look different, and accepting that it is going to look different.

SPEAKER_00 13:32

I love that. I love that because what I've learned, and this is where this all fits into business and being a self-employed professional. Now you're a self-employed professional, and and I've been a self-employed professional, and the way I define that is we're on our own. Yeah, when you start a business, it's lonely, it's never what we think it's gonna be. You know, people that have a job, they're like, Oh, I want to be on my own, I want to have my own business, and then the shock sets in, right? Because now you need a website, you need an accountant, you need all the 50 different things, and they're all a top priority, right? So you need a starting point, right? And and I read a book, and I'm sure that you know that it's called The The Road Less Traveled by I forget his name. He's got one of these people with an initial as the first name, Dr. Peck. But I think in the introduction or the first chapter, he wrote something, he said, Life is tough. Once you could accept that, you can be happy, right? And that when I read that, I was like, Oh my god, that's like that's brilliant, because life is tough. Business. So here's what I tell my clients, Sarah. Life is tough, and when you decide to start your own business, you just multiply that by a hundred, right? Am I right? I mean, you're you're a business owner now, there's so many things, but if you could just sit down, I believe, sit down and relax and enjoy where you are and go with the flow, right? Go with the flow because it's not if something happens, it's it's when it happens and be prepared. So are you are you working with business owners or what type of people are you working with?

SPEAKER_01 15:38

I'm working with people who are like high functioning, who are in relationships, they're the ones who put themselves in categories of being the fixers, the mediator, facilitators. They're everything to everybody, but truly let they show up and struggle in relationships for themselves. Um, so that can be male, female. That's pretty much like my clientele that I'm working with right now.

SPEAKER_00 16:01

Is there any are these like are these type A personalities?

SPEAKER_01 16:06

Yeah, yes, they are type A personalities, yes, yeah, typical.

SPEAKER_00 16:11

So yeah, it's funny because those are probably the people that need the most help. Agreed. The the P and entrepreneurs, you know, typically type A personalities, because you get you don't get people that are shy uh starting businesses because the those people that are shy, introverted, that don't know how to overcome the obstacles, they're out of business very quickly. They usually go back to their jobs because it's safer, it's more comfortable, right? But the type A personalities they look successful on the outside, right? They got everything together, and then they go home and they're kicking the dog, right? Yes, yes, yeah, and that's why that's why I asked you to be a guest on this show, because I'm like, you know, entrepreneurs, especially self-employed professionals, they think that they're the only ones going through this, right? Like it must be different for everyone else. Everyone else looks like they got everything together, and one of the things I I learned, Tara, was the first one of the first steps in being successful is being humble and saying, you know what, I don't have it all together, I don't know everything, I need help, right? And that's where you come in.

SPEAKER_01 17:38

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 17:40

How do you decide? So, because you have so many ways, so many things that that so many paths you could take people down. Like, how do you know? Like, it must be intuitive at this point because you've done it for so long. You know, what do they call that? Uh I forget what they call it. Like, you already know it so well you think everybody else knows it. Intuitive uh competence.

SPEAKER_01 18:08

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 18:09

Okay. So you're taking people like let's say me, right? And I might be putting myself in a bad position. But so how do you know? Do you put me through hypnotherapy? Do I do reiki? I started learning about this Tai Chi stuff, like is all Eastern stuff, and I'm really, really uh interested in that. How do you know, like, what's going to be the best course of action for me?

SPEAKER_01 18:39

Yeah, so because we've had like previous conversations, I can already get a feel of like how you work, how you communicate, how you show up for your clients. So for you, like we can do hypnosis, but I don't really think that's necessary for you. For you, I would focus more on EMDR. So thinking about any moments that kind of have like self-doubt, or if you're feeling like I'm not good enough or I'm not competent, and literally we wash that out of your system so that way you can continue showing up because what I'm seeing from you externally, you are truly aligned, you are in your passion, you are in your life purpose. Everything in your chakras, in terms of Reiki, you are pretty good. I think I don't think that this script is written ahead of time, it looks like it's coming from the top of your head. So you have a skill and a and uh just like how your brain is working, that your crown chakra specifically, you're golden, you're good. I wouldn't even touch it. I would say keep doing what you're doing. So I'd say, whatever emotional reactivities that you're having, we can wash that out, and it's only gonna mean a few sessions, and then you're you're gonna continue doing great things. So, in terms of like the other clients, it really is intuitive. So I pitch out all of the services that I do. Some people would be like, Okay, at some point I want to try hypnosis, okay. At some point, I want to try Reiki. No problem. I follow their lead, however. And if I'm seeing that there's some kind of disconnection or misalignment, then I'll offer it, kind of like slip it in a little bit so that way they can kind of get a feel without fully committing to the whole process of Reiki because sometimes people are just naturally nervous of what's new or what they haven't heard of before.

SPEAKER_00 20:14

So, yeah, I could tell you're really good because you hit the nail on the head with me. Uh, I've been doing this so long, and to be honest with you, I love and I don't think love is a strong enough word. I love what I do, I don't work anymore. Most sometimes I work when I gotta like review tax returns and and talk to my team about stuff, but for the most part, I love this. I don't get paid for doing these podcasts, I do it because I'm like, you know, there's information that I feel like I gotta share with people. But you mentioned something that what is this EMDR therapy? Is that what you said? Yes, it's I explain that to me because I've never heard of that before.

SPEAKER_01 20:59

Yeah, it's eye movement, desensitization, and reprocessing. So that's an eight-phase process that really cleans up any of like the childhood stuff. So think about times where you felt like you got into an argument in your adult life. So when we trace it back to the memories, I'm unlovable, I'm not good enough, it's my fault, I'm a bad person. So all of those feelings kind of compound into like a snowball effect. That's why you still get triggered. So for the memory, it's like right in front of your face for EMDR, it is allowing yourself to see the larger picture and have a better perspective so that way you're not triggered the next time an argument with your wife or your partner comes up. So it is a pretty strict dysregulating process, but it's a beautiful. There's so many benefits, these are lifelong changes. In the muck of it, I'll be completely honest, it can be hard to go through. So you gotta be honest with yourself. But the end results, you truly do feel a difference.

SPEAKER_00 21:56

I believe you, and I I've never heard of that, but I do I do. Definitely do believe that. But you know, let's go down another path. Because one of the things, you know, like like I said, 20 years ago, I'm 45, I'm making plenty of money. I got clients. Uh, I can't scale my business. That was one of the things. I'm like, oh my God, I thought I was going to be the master of industry. I thought I was going to have all these businesses, and now I'm stuck as an accountant. Okay. How do I scale my business? What right before COVID hit, I I had had it. I was at one of those turning points. I had a series of big clients. I'd helped them go from 3 million to 10 million. And then all of a sudden they'd become geniuses, and they started telling me what I should be doing. And I'm like, you know, if nothing changes, nothing changes. So I did uh I made one of those decisions. I said, I'm not doing this anymore. I'm changing the kind of people that I want to work with. I don't like working with these people. I want to work with people that are struggling, people that don't normally hire accountants, but they don't hire accountants because usually they can't afford them, right? So I had to change my whole business model. And what I did at the time, and this was right before COVID, I hired a business coach. He was a friend of mine. He was a highly successful entrepreneur, former Green Beret, uh special ops green beret. And I thought, I thought he was gonna have me like doing push-ups and running 10 mile marathons. No, you know what he had me do? He had me do this spider grafting that he created, and it had to do with how are my relationships, you know. Yeah, it had stuff like how are your finances, uh, but it had like 10 different points, and you had to score that like my relationships, uh, what else? My spirituality, all these different things. I was like, Oh my god, you gotta be kidding me. But that was that was a turning point, it changed my life because my relationships, I was like, they were like a two, they were a two out of ten, and and just these little changes, like okay, I don't have a good great relationship with my kids. Maybe I should start calling that, right? My aunt start calling that, and these these little changes wound up changing my business, right? Is that amazing? So, some of these things you're saying, these type A personalities, have you had that? And I know what the answer is gonna be. Have you had those kind of results?

SPEAKER_01 25:03

Yes, even for myself, yeah. Being an entrepreneur and in a relationship, and like again, all these small little steps really do help and does change the business, it does bring back life and decreases the burnout. Absolutely, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:18

And you know, the the other thing you just said it. One thing, because as an entrepreneur, we're we're usually workaholics, right? Yeah, we just say, Oh, like Elon Musk, he's like, Yeah, just work a hundred hours a week and you'll be ahead of every. Yeah, but you know how many relationships he's coming through? He's like, Yeah, you have a great business, you're a billionaire, but you're not happy, right? So it's the work-life balance. But the next thing, and and then we're gonna bring this home because this is important. I had to learn how to become a leader if I wanted to scale my business, and what I what I learned from him, because I thought leaders were born, right? I said, either you're a leader or you're not. What he taught me was you can learn how to become a leader, right? So I immersed myself in in leadership, how to become a leader, and and it wasn't easy, it took me years. It literally took years of trial and error. Things like, and I'll give you an example, hiring people. I was terrible at it. I hated doing interviews, right? I would hire the first, second person that I interview, and then forget about firing people. I didn't have it in my heart today. It's not even like I do it. I I've learned that listen, there's a line you got to draw, like accountability, are you doing your job? It wasn't easy, it wasn't easy. How do you suggest? So, how do people, and I know this is asking a lot, how do people, because I made the transition from being a a solopreneur to a business owner. What kind of advice would you give people to make that that jump, that transition? Because it's a big one.

SPEAKER_01 27:18

Absolutely. Yeah, I would say stick with concrete steps. Count to five, do the task. Don't allow the emotions to take over because that will be the thing that you start second guessing yourself, procrastinate, avoid, and literally put in the back burner. Create a concrete list of what things that you can do in that moment, maybe for like a half an hour, count to five, do the task.

SPEAKER_00 27:40

Oh my god, that's I mean, that's so brilliant, but it almost seems too easy.

SPEAKER_01 27:48

You'd be surprised, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:50

But so here's the thing what I learned, it's not easy, it's never, it's simple, right? You made it simple, and it is very simple, but that's the thing. It's like those those little steps, you know. My friend who I I really want to connect you with, uh, his name is Vincent Lancy. He he was literally left for dead. Okay, he was in his uh last year, last semester of college, he got hit by a drunk driver. They told him they didn't know if he was gonna live the night. He he survived, and they said, Oh, you might need 24-7 care. And now he's like, that was 2013. Now he's like, You you wouldn't. He it was called he wrote a book called Left for Dead, Left for Dead, and now his the name of his business is uh coming alive.

SPEAKER_01 28:48

Oh wow, very nice.

SPEAKER_00 28:50

Yeah, it it it's amazing, but yeah, and he's an entrepreneur going through struggles, and and the reason why I brought this up was he did a video, he sent me, he does a newsletter, and there was a video about how he went through his recovery. It was three minutes, but you know what he said? He said exactly what you just said. They were little steps, one little step at a time, from you know, because it if you're familiar with TBIs, it's like he woke up, he thought he was still in fifth grade, he was he was in elementary school, right? He didn't they they asked him, you know, where do you go to school? And he's like Southwest Elementary School. So he had to relearn everything, and I I believe and I told him, I said, Vincent, that's the entrepreneurial journey, it's one little step at a time, it's simple, but it's never easy, right? So listen, this has been amazing. Uh, probably have you on again because as I go through my journey, I'm like, oh, I gotta get Tara on again to talk about this. Uh, because you know, it's you know, I don't know if I I watched a movie called I read a book called The The Peaceful Warrior, and it's another one of those life-changing books. And I wrote I watched the movie. Nick Nalty, one of my favorite actors, was in it, and there was a scene in it where you know he's coaching that this kid, and I actually got to meet meet the kid, but anyway, uh, he takes him up this mountain. He's like, Listen, I Dan, I think you're you're ready. I'm gonna take you to the the answer, like, because the whole time this kid, Dan Millman, uh, and it was based on a true story. Dan Millman kept saying, like, just tell me what's the secret, what's the secret? He's like, You're ready. And he they're going up this mountain, right? And they're climbing, and Dan is all happy. And he gets to the top, and he's like, Okay, are you ready? And he's like, Yeah. And and Nick Nulty looks down, he picks up a rock and he hands it to him. He's like, This is the secret. And Dan was all, you gotta be kidding me. I climbed up this hole, and and Nick says, Nick Nulty says, Oh, well, you were happy on the whole way up here, right? And that's when it's the journey, right? It's the journey, absolutely. So, and you never get there. There is no there, right? There's no, okay, I made it now that yeah. So if you're watching this, if you're listening, if you're an entrepreneur, I'm sorry to inform you. There is no there. Enjoy the journey, right, Tara?

SPEAKER_01 31:39

Absolutely, yes.

SPEAKER_00 31:40

So I'd like to give you a chance to uh promote yourself. How do people contact you? Who are you looking to work with? How do they connect with you?

SPEAKER_01 31:49

Sure. Uh, my business name is Inner Light Integrative Therapy. You can simply Google that name if you like. You can also email me at info at healinginnerlight.com and just simply reach out, let me know what you're looking for, and we can have a consultation to see how we can best work with each other. That would be the quickest and easiest way. Like Joe said earlier in the show, I am pretty responsive. Just give me a 24 hours to respond, but I'll certainly get back to you.

SPEAKER_00 32:16

Awesome, awesome. Thank you so much. God bless, and that's our story, folks. We're sticking with it over and out. If you like this show, like it, follow us. There's more to come. And like I said, like Tyra said, it's the journey, folks. Thank you.